The Life of Seaman dAev - nov. 99
by: dAev f. dembinski

      Okay, so the buffalo thing isn't working out. How was i supposed to know they'd be so slow and surly? It's not like there's a tag on them that says "Warning: Buffalo hates you." Oh well. It's not a total loss. If anyone wants some top-quality jerky. . .
     So i'm riding on my great horse Dogfood when i start to thinking that we need to start educating the gay population. Not lesbians, but gay men. "Why?" you might ask, while preparing to lynch me for homophobia. Two words. Shaved gerbils.
     Now, i'm as tolerant as anyone, so this isn't about how it's a sin to be gay or anything. What i'm referring to is the tendency of men, when in the company of other men, to behave like retards. This is especially apparent when alcohol is involved. Take a group of guys, give them beer, and tell them to do something more complicated than remembering not to shoot their own feet and you'll get chaos. This is great fun for us guys, but it usually results in property and/or bodily damage. I'm sure you can imagine what happens when sex is thrown into that mix.
     Take two horny, drunk men and put them in a room together. For a while, if they're gay, they'll just engage in normal, safe, anal and oral sex. But after doing that a couple times they're gonna get bored. It's inevitable. And just as inevitable is "experimentation." With two women, or a man and a woman, there' s probably going to be a limit to this, due to the female sex's tendency to use their cerebrum, but with two guys together, the sky's the limit. This is when you start getting shaved gerbils, cement enemas, etc...
     What i propose is an ad campaign, similar to those "The More You Know" public service announcements on tv, wherein we show a picture of a gerbil, a picture of a razor, and the word "NO" flashed numerous times in big red letters. I seriously doubt this will haev any effect, but i REALLY want to be watching football someday and see that.

dAev

check out this months
Great Works of Literature For the Functionally Illiterate
The Old Man and the Sea
by dAev

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