The Horrifically Boring and Utterly Disappointing Life of Seaman dAev - oct. 99
by: dAev f. dembinski
Guess what i just did, boys and girls? I had a perfectly wonderful opening paragraph about feeling uninspired here at Hiram College and i erased it to
babble for two pages about Descartes. So now i must needs start over, although
i think i'll keep that first line of thought.
It's not that nothing happens to me here. On the contrary, i'm far busier now than i was at home, where my daily routine consisted almost entirely of
convincing myself to get out of bed, but looking at the body of work i've
produced in these five weeks i can't help but notice something missing. I could
attribute it to homesickness, but that's not really accurate, as I've had only
one or two episodes of that, and neither was as powerful as mere wistful
thinking. Now i'm feeling as though this really is my home, and still i have
written next to nothing significant.
Maybe it's that i quit smoking?
Or my girlfriend?
The distraction of three classes?
Or is it simple writer's block?, in which case i would have to actually be a writer, which i refuse to classify myself as so long as i'm here. Any of you
who've attended college know what i'm speaking of. There're people here who
insist that they are better than Kerouac, that Hemingway was a hack, that
basically they are the greatest writers in the history of civilization end of
story, fuck you. But when one reads a sample of their work? One feels an
overpowering urge to find a small, furry animal to kick. These people can
hardly string together a few cliches, much less construct anything worth
spending the 30 seconds it takes to read. The English language is stagnating
undoubtedly, and the very few "writerly" phrases that were novel and fresh 50
years ago REFUSE TO DIE as long as there are those who will take them out and
fondle them lovingly in all the raw places.
So here it is. It is up to you unbelievably talented readers to inject any
kind of battering chemicals into our collective American circular-language arm.
I would, but you can't teach an old dog new tricks. HA!!
dAev
check out this months
Great Works of Literature For the Functionally Illiterate
BLEAKHOUSE
by dAev
